Originally published on unwritten.com
One of the biggest misconceptions when it comes to cerebral palsy is that adults like myself, can’t have sex or any sexual interaction. Another misconception is that we don’t have the desire to have that type of physical interaction with our significant others.
When indeed we do or can.
For the most part, in my experience, I consider sex to be one of the hardest and challenging things for me in my womanhood. I want to experience it like any other ordinary woman in my age would. I want to explore my sexuality, myself and all that entails. I want to grow as a person in all aspects of my life, see what I can accomplish and understand who I am more.
We all become aware of our sexual desires at different ages. The first time I had an urge to have sex was when I was 18 years old. I had just started to date my current boyfriend, almost five years ago. At the start of our relationship, I wasn’t expecting to start having any urges that would make me want to have sex with him. And then before you know it, we were sexting and having cybersex daily.
You would probably say, well, that has to be perfect right? That is definitely not the case, like others, I was bombarded by anxiety with the present and the future. For a long time I didn’t know how to express it or how to explain it but today, I am. It’s time to bring awareness to sex and disability.
Cerebral palsy does affect my sex life and sexual feelings. I become incredibly nervous when thinking about having sexual interactions because I feel like I will not be able to satisfy any man with my condition if I were to have in real life. I’m highly aware of my disability in situations like this. I wonder how I can overcome it or how to move forward with my limits and what I can do.
Since I’m not able to do the same things as a non-disabled woman would be able to do, to please a man sexually in the bedroom, my biggest fear is that if I do decide that I wanted to have sex in the real world, I wouldn’t please my partner. Now, I suppose a lot of us share that in common but for someone like myself, there are a few differences because of my disability.
The biggest issue and fear is… I’m afraid that I won’t be able to satisfy a man when it comes to the genital area in a relationship. It may be a little TMI but for me, the reason is because of my spastic cerebral palsy and due to my windswept legs and their inability to open up or blend. I worry in a way that I won’t be able to experience sex in an enjoyable way to the full extent.
What if my partner gets turned off by my cerebral palsy while having sex? It’s a recurring thought that comes to mind. I think that’s why it’s the most pressing thing that affects my life, with cerebral palsy. Fear is a powerful and consuming issue, and I constantly worry that I won’t be good in the bedroom with my partner.
However, it is something I’m gonna have to work on with myself and hopefully I would be able to not be afraid of that anymore. I just want to have pride to be in the bedroom regardless of my cerebral palsy. I’ve become an advocate for those with cerebral palsy, and by being open about these fears and the truths with them, I hope I can continue to help others.
The most important thing for us women and men to remember is to treat our body as a precious gift that God gave us. And to respect it while we explore and go on our adventures through life. And yes, while some of us have disabilities, like cerebral palsy, we can still do a great deal of things.
We might have to do them differently, but, we can do them!